Fragment: FRAGMENTS

Sometimes I forget how UNIQUE the fragments of my life are, and I underestimate them. Not taking into account how PARTICULARLY MINE all my fragments are.

Yesterday, for some reason, I began reading back on this blog...and back...and back....until I reached "My 1st!" or DAY ONE. What a journey it was...what a journey it has been!

I went through so many emotions as I relived some memories; becoming aware of things I've learned, and how at certain points, I had no idea of how things would turn out.

It'll be 3 years soon of sharing my fragments in this space, and I this thought came to my mind. Maybe I should do something special! *wink wink* It would basically be for myself, though; but if anyone is interested in a copy, I can make YOU one, too :p

I will make me a BOOK of my fragments. UUUYYY! A little short term goal for me, YEY! It'll be a little gift I will make for myself; a gift with SO much meaning. A book holding my thoughts, my feelings, my happenings from 2007 through 2010. UUUFFFF! Yeah, definitely a MUST-READ-FROM-TIME-TO-TIME for me!

It has been a pleasure writing about my fragments these past three years. For those who read me (whoever you are, thank you!). As of this crazy heart of mine, I am grateful to have found a place where I can go to and escape...THE NENY FRAGMENTS has become a little home; a refuge for my thoughts.

I am really looking forward to more years of writing! It will be so interesting to see the fragments that are added...and the fragments that will leave.

My story is UNIQUE. I am learning to appreciate and love my life, completely :)

Fragment: HSP

"There has got to be a place in the world for people like me...."

-Neny

This is how I feel tonight, after my conversation with my friend Vel. But it is actually how I feel most of the time.

Writing this just made me think of a concept I came across with 2 years ago on a magazine. HSP--Highly Sensitive People (concept developed by Dr. Elaine Aron). I remember when I read the article, I felt an incomparable comfort! A connection never made before in my life. Suddenly, there was meaning to the way I am, and not only was it an exact description of me, but it also pointed out that being the way I am is actually a GIFT.

These are statements that describe an HSP:

You, your partner, or someone important to you have a heightened awareness of subtleties in your environment, whether it's sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell.

You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may find it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek solitude, relief and comfort.

You are very creative.

You are very conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being watched or scrutinized.

You feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized by chaos, clutter, or stress.

You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of your control.

You get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain.

You may experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and can also be affected by other people's moods, emotions and problems.

You have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual, and may also have vivid dreams.

You are very intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong.

You get concerned and think or worry about many things, and have also been told "you take things too personally."

You have had the experience of "cutting people out" of your life.

You were considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child.

If interested by this new concept in the world of psychology and human behavior, please read more here:

http://www.highlysensitivepeople.com/

Or you can purchase the book, "THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON" by Elaine N. Aron. It is a MUST-GET for me!

"-You came to HOME DEPOT and got a flower?

-Yea, so?

-You're missing the whole point of being here!"

(excerpt from a scene, TV show 'The New Adventures of Old Christine')

I'd definitely be that person that gets a tiny flower from Home Depot and feels fascinated by JUST it ;)

NOTE: this is the link to the actual HSP test http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm. I answered 25 of 27 affirmatively!

"Aug/Sept/Oct FRAGMENTS..."

I guess lots of interesting little things have happened in the last 3 months, but they have passed and I have missed writing about them, oopsie! :S And, just as my favorite quote points out, "TIME THAT'S PASSED, NEVER COMES BACK".

There are some highlights, though, that MUST be mentioned.

-Orchestra auditions were held in August and the funniest thing happened! I wore heels (something I usually NEVER wear) and got a bit nervous while playing behind the curtains. The heels started shaking and affecting my playing, so as I played Mozart away, I was kicking my heels out of my foot! I did OK; not too great, not too horrible, and such was reflected in the punctuation I received, so I believe the jury was very fair and objective. Things are better now in the orchestra. The new conductor and assistant conductor are doing a great job. Everything is more organized, more serious, less drama, and (yes!) sounding much better. We are much more motivated, I guess.

-Collaborated with my lovely photographer friend, Ali, in a couple of shoots. Here are some samples:

-On a random day, my brother sent me an e-mail with the most amazing words describing me...(which, of course, I haven't yet responded!) I love you, brotherrrrrrrr:

My crazy, but so loving, sister!

You are like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day (oh wait, is this like the lyrics of a song, cause I truly just thought of this... lol, oh well!) Hahahaha, but this phrase captures so much truth to your existence Neny... No matter how hectic, or crazy your life might get, you always find a way to keep on pushing forward; making everybody around you better and better the more they get to know you. You have such a positive impact on others, that it's just amazing!

Thanks for being proud of your old bro! I love you lots, too! And if I'm your favorite genius, you are my favorite artist! And not just of creative artsy stuff; to me you are an artist of life... You add color and shape to everything you touch, and your energy moves the souls of everybody that comes in contact with you. You are like a magnet for people, no matter what situation, where, or when, people are naturally attracted to you... Because you are an ARTIST... an Artist of life!

I love you so much my gorgeous and crazy sister! Keep being who you are, just change who you are not!

Your brotherrrrrr

-Read two books I adored (!!): "The Awakening" (1899) by Kate Chopin and "Love the one you're with" (2009) by Emily Giffin.

-...and...perhaps, many other things I just can't think of right now...so, TO BE CONTINUED (?) ;)

Fragment: LIMITS

I am so loving my yoga class. I missed it terribly while I was in Spain! My body felt the difference. But besides the physical aspect, I just love everything else about it; the ambience, the people, the applause and the hug after each session, the meditation (one does not usually stop like this on own time!), the incense, the lavender color on the ceiling (I've mentioned this before, sorry!). This week, the teacher has been introducing some new stretching techniques by partnering people. At first, we all hesitated; there's just a natural level of discomfort when it comes to making yourself vulnerable in front of others. OMG! A stranger is going to touch me and help me stretch my body?! It's kind of intimidating, but after you cross that boundary, you discover that it is lovely to step into someone's space in this way. With no conversation, just touch and collaboration, a sense of community is created.

Anyways, yesterday my yoga instructor said something really interesting and powerful: "yoga is all about knowing the limits of your body...AND BREAKING THEM". WOW.

To stretch beyond your limits...isn't this a useful thought that can be applied to everything else in life? When you think you can just reach a certain level, a certain feeling, a certain place, a certain person...think again...and try to go further...reach further...work for more...do not conform...things can ALWAYS be better. OK, but don't go crazy, though. Just like in yoga, stretching your limit is done in a patient, slow, delicate fashion, so you don't hurt yourself. Little by little, treating your body with love, getting to know every sensation, you will know when to stop, rest, recover, and go on. Everyday, you'll be at least a millimeter further. I am not sure closer to what, but FURTHER ;)

Now, the interesting thing about this word/concept is that, in the last session with my therapist (before I left to Spain), we spoke about LIMITS. However, we did not talk about stretching my limits, it was more about defining them and establishing them in my life, so other people don't break them. This is a whole other perspective on LIMITS. I am not too sure I understood the benefits of her concepts. But in the days that followed, I learned some truths about limits through a couple of people and situations. So now, I am working on my LIMITS; it's the word of this season in my life. Limits in the things I say and share (DISCRETE); limits in what to say yes to and no to (ASSERTIVE); limits in the amount of friends that'll know EVERTHING about me (EXCLUSIVE); limits in relationships (IDENTITY); limits in what to give and how (SELECTIVE); limits, limits, limits...

There's a book my sister is reading, and that my little brother once recommended, which deals with this matter: John Henry Cloud's, "BOUNDARIES". I haven't read it myself, but I've heard very good things about it, so it's definitely on my 'TO READ' list.

I guess boundaries/limits ARE a healthy tool to use in life, either way. Whether you stretch your limits to make yourself stronger and/or reach further, or you establish them so other people or things don't go beyond them.

YES! I'm working on it ;)

"Letters to my younger self"

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep right away, as I normally do...so I opened my night stand's drawer to see if I could find something interesting...and I did :)

I found a folder filled with articles, print outs, hand written notes, quotes, personality test results, etc etc etc...and I smiled...this folder represents the soul searching process that I was living 2 years ago until not too long. I browsed through it all and read some interesting things. One of them, though, stood out. On a restaurant post card, I'd written: "WHAT I KNOW NOW...(letters to my younger self)".

I wrote this quote while wandering around the streets of Boston last year. Waiting for my brother to pick me up, I went into a bookstore and found so many books that I wanted to buy! I love bookstores ;) I decided to get a book on HOW TO MAKE BOOKS - jaja - beautifully crafted and sort of pricey, so I could just get this one book. But as I walked out of the store, I bumped into a book that read the words that grabbed my heart. I wanted to buy the book, but I could spend no more. So, I wrote the captivating words on a postcard I had in hand.

http://www.letterstomyyoungerself.com/books/if-id-known-then.html

"If you could send a letter back in time to your younger self, what would it say? Following in the tradition of the bestselling compendium What I Know Now™ comes a new collection that will speak directly to young women. Editor Ellyn Spragins asked women under forty to write letters to the girls they once were, filled with the advice and wisdom they wish they’d possessed when they were younger."

Coincidentaly today, my little brother sent me a text message saying: "Look for the song LETTER TO ME by Brad Paisley...it's country music, but give it a chance, it's a really good song. Pay attention to the lyrics, especially the PS part, which I wish I had the chance to tell myself". The title of the song grabbed my heart as the title of that book in Boston did. I searched for the song on youtube.com and found this video:


Wow...what a song! And it has exactly all to do with the book! And I started wondering...What would I tell MY younger self this day? I am 25 years old today, and I think I would love to talk to my 14 year old self...there's so much she needed to know. But hey, that is LIFE; a process of growing up, learning through experience and self discovery. As much as I would've liked to know more in order for things to have turned out differently today, that would not make much sense, or would it? We wouldn't be living...no free will...just predesigned, soul-less robots.

I should just love and make peace with my younger self...and be happy for who I am TODAY, what I've BECOME, and what I know NOW.

Fragment: B4 25...

You guys, I've got a couple more minutes b4 25! What an event! This feels more climactic than 15 and 21 put together! Hold on, that would be 36, NEVER MIND! You get the point, I hope ;) (Left: me right now, UYY!)

Anyways, to celebrate my last night of being 24, I went to see "Nights in Rodanthe" (tonight instead of tomorrow) which I'd been anxiously waiting for! I went alone, alone, totally alone. It might sound sad, but it actually isn't. I really enjoy going to the movies by myself. I can take everything in better (whatever this may mean).

Now, about the film...I feel like it's not my place to critique movies in public like this. I mean, I feel like such an ignorant in this matter. But I mostly go by feelings; what emotions did this movie bring out in me? And from there, I guess, I form an opinion. You see? Nothing too technical, more like a super-personal comment.

However, I do feel the storyline in "Nights in Rodanthe" was kind of weak, like it was missing something. I read the book by Nicholas Sparks a couple of years ago, and loved it! I got hooked to his books after watching the movie "A Walk to Remember", one of my absolute favorite movies, by the way! Anyways, I remember the book was fabulous.

But there's SOMETHING peculiar about books that are made into movies. I think you either have to read the book and NOT watch the movie, or vice-versa. The thing is that one of the two will always lack what you are expecting! If you read the book first, you'll find that the movie doesn't show enough, because book stories give way more details. Also, the images you may have created in your mind, although guided by the author's descriptions, are really your own-unique creations; when you don't see them (YOUR 'imagined-images') on the big screen, you become subconciusly disenchanted. Moreover, if you see the movie first and then read the book, your mind is going to be already 'tainted' by what you've seen, and you will be expecting to 'see' what you already 'know', and totally miss out on the personal imagery process that takes place in READING.

Nevertheless, I will give this movie a chance. I remember when I saw the movie "The Notebook", also based on a Nicholas Sparks' novel (you see, I was hooked!); I had read the book first, and when I saw the movie, I felt empty. I was so full of expectations because of having read the book, that I couldn't appreciate the movie simply for what it was. Today, I own this movie. I came up with this theory of mine, and decided to give it chance. I love it now! I can watch it over and over again, and even cry *sniff, sniff*...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE ;)

Good night.

"Thesaurus"

Another place that has become a refuge, like a second home to me, is the bookstore THESAURUS. It is lodged in a two-floor building, but has a very small feel. Very neat and organized, the store has a magazine stand that I directly go to when I come in. I grab one or two magazines, or how many of them I haven't read, and go directly to the second floor, where the smell of coffee and the indistinctive chattering of intellectuals draw me in like a spell.


The space of the tiny cafe is delimited by floor length windows that give the room fabulous natural lighting. Despite the windows facing one of the busiest avenues of the city, the tranquility inside the cafe is unobstructed. There are about 12 small, round tables that have a shabby french look to them. The iron chairs are black with striped (navy blue, red, green, yellow) cushions. They serve all kinds of coffee, alcohol (yes, in a bookstore!), and exquisite sandwiches, wraps, salads and desserts. Everything they make tastes so fresh and homemade...and the coffees are delightful! The kitchen area is tiny, integrated with the coffee makers and the cash register, all in the same small place. They have one of those beautiful (and super expensive) copper coffee makers which gives the tiny coffee shop a vintage feel. (ABOVE: My niece and nephew at the cafe area)


Everytime I need to gather my thoughts, whenever I have a book to read or things to write, if I feel sad or nostalgic, if I'm happy about something and feel the need to celebrate within myself, when I need the perfect place to meet a colleague or a friend, I GO TO THESAURUS!

I always order a 'cortadito' (macchiato) with brown sugar...the best in town!

(RIGHT: Pushy browsing through books in the cooking section)