Fragment: CLARINET

Today...I feel love for him.

I feel like looking for images that will inspire more positive thoughts of him.

You see, we have this LOVE-HATE relationship. He has shown me the best AND the worst feelings, situations, and emotions of the whole of me.

He has taken me places; has introduced me to some of the greatest people in my life; he has given me the unconventional lifestyle I'd always desired; has brought me love.

He incites goose-pumps when emotions take over me; makes me lose track of time; he speaks of me like nothing else in my life ever does; he's with me all the time, anytime...always.

But...he has also shown me tears, frustration, pain, maddening moments and quite a few embarrassing situations.

Nevertheless--as my friends usually point out--as much as I whine and complain, I MUST acknowledge that if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be ME today. He is the biggest part of me...and there's much love for him in my heart. I've often felt lost, not sure of where to go or what to do with him. But I don't seem to be able to let go off him!

MY CLARINET :) he reminds me of ME...in all it's complexity...soothing sounds can be made. Tough and soft, moody and gentle; all at the same time. Me.

"City Island"

"Women are emotionally incoherent...it's our most defining characteristic."

"Call me...but only on a whim."

"What other profession could accommodate my sort of behavioral problems?"

-Quotes from City Island movie.

Emily Mortimer is irresistibly sweet and delicate, as she always is. She reminds me of Chesky in a way. Terribly charming! I love watching her in movies; it's like eating cotton candy on a breezy afternoon as you walk around a lake :)

Andy Garcia was cool. Sweet at times, other times he seemed so ordinary; simply a regular guy.

The young boy reminds me of June (a friend from church) and Guevs (my brother). Sarcastically teasing everyone at the dinner table; so creatively hilarious! He had me bursting with laughter.

The family....just like every family...totally screwed up! So many secrets; things untold because of everyone being afraid of being misunderstood. Sounds like LIFE as it is.

Really enjoyed it, along with 2 slices of pizza and some wine...mmmm!

NOTE: Should I venture to City Island one of these days?

"...only own things that you love..."

It is officially IMPOSSIBLE to come to NYC and not shop.

Yes, I confess, I've been shopping...despite of the fact that I promised myself I wouldn't--oopsie!

But it is oh!-so-SATISFYING!!!!!!!

Well, I guess I could link this confession with a little goal of mine (which will perhaps help with the guilt trip). About a year ago, I made a decision: I WILL ONLY OWN THINGS THAT I LOVE. Of course, since I didn't have a home of my own, this decision was more based on my closet/wardrobe.

My decision became a goal given that it is a process that requires adaptation, will power, and a bit of work. The goal was to acquire this new mind set and live accordingly.

The hardest part of the process is deciding which things to get rid off, especially, when there are objects that carry an emotional value; a memory. Expect to spend hours and hours trying to decide; debating whether to give something up or not. In some cases, you may have to simply decide to compromise. Hours and more hours trying things on and off...and, on and off again just to make SURE. Piling away the pieces that don't completely convince you, and putting back on the hanger the ones that undoubtedly WORK. Keep in mind that this process will be physically and emotionally draining.

Nevertheless, once the classifying stage is completed, you will look at your bags filled with "unwanted" stuff, and feel......LIBERATED!

With more free space now (NOTE: not necessarily for NEW stuff!) and a closet containing ONLY pieces that fit perfectly and that you LOVE, there's no way to go wrong. The endless hours of outfit searching before an outing are over. Any 2 pieces that you grab from your--hence--LOVELY wardrobe will make you, literally: PRETTY happy ;)

So, now that I have matured a bit in my process *wink, wink* my shopping has been done with this newly acquired mindset. The philosophy QUALITY over QUANTITY helping, as well. The ultimate GOAL being a closet looking somewhat like this...very polished, grown-up and organized:

Good luck to me!!!!!

"My little goals seem so insignificant to the world, when they actually mean a world to ME!" -My FB status for today.

NOTE: My favorite purchase so far...I am so in loooove with these beauties!!!! The color, the material, the leather flower on the top/front area, the big-wooden heels...*sigh* TOTAL BLISS ;)

"Neny wants..."

...round sunglasses...John Lennon style...

I've been wanting them for a while, but must confess that I haven't been fiercely looking.

I've seen them on the Olsen twin...and like them.

Saw them on my friend, Frenchy-Aish...and loved them (she got a hand-down vintage Ray Ban pair! YES, I am hatin' :P).

Now, I've decided to find ME a pair.

I'm thinking of buying these from Rosemud at ETSY. Must decide today before someone else does!

Check them out:

Price $5.00 dollars

NOTE: Someone just did :( WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!?!?!

Fragment: MOTHERHOOD

2nd post of the day!

This one I should keep SHORT; but real short, not MY kind of short. I don't want much room left for misinterpretations of the things here said :p

I've always been the one to say: "I'm NEVER gonna have kids! I'm not even slightly interested in that subject matter...changing diapers, the lack of sleep, the constant physical exhaustion, teaching another how to live life when I'm not even so sure, shoving MY desires to the backseat for about 18 years.....WHAT'S THE POINT?!" UFFF! My mother would roll her eyes in disgust every time she'd hear me pronounce these words, which--of course--would make me wanna say them again and again (JAJA!). I was definitely not aware of the weight my words had. But somehow the idea of having babies didn't make much sense to me.

I am NOW well aware of how selfish my words must've sounded (sorry maders!)

However, there was one fact of which I was CERTAIN: there was this motherly instinct that some of my girlfriends had that I never seemed to experience (Chesky and Chas being the prime examples). Therefore, I thought maybe motherhood was just not for me. Just like cooking wasn't--still isn't--either. "There are quite some WOMANLY parts missing in me!", I remember thinking.

Well...I don't know if AGE has anything to do with it, or life experience...but, lately, I feel that maybe--JUST MAYBE--I can deal with having ONE ;)

Then, I watched the movie MOTHERHOOD and the "just-maybe" feeling almost dropped again. That was until I went to visit little An and became convinced that this feeling is here to stay....at least for ONE...JUST ONE...after that one, we'll talk.

(Above right: An and me)

THIS IS PRETTY BIG FOR ME!!!!

NOTE: Sister! Watch the movie! I think you'll see yourself in some aspects of the story ;)

Fragment: FUTURE HOME

Oh my!! There are SO many things I want to blog about now!!! Is it OK to post more than one entry in one day??? Are you guys OK with that? ;)

Well, today, I might just have to or else, I'm gonna forget! I have to make up for those months of silence, eh?

Ok, so......this one is short and sweet. Basically, I want to share this fragment more so I don't forget about it!

I was looking for a place on craigslit.org for my sister and her kids to stay as they are coming to visit us (YEY!). This is when I bumped into a listing that I REALLY liked, and although I requested information, the person never got back to me (bummer!). Anyways, the picture of the little studio I saved for inspiration :)

I would love a place just like this for myself! I think there's really nothing more that a person needs; as of space, that is. In such a small space, you can have EVERYTHING, and it looks SO cozy and SIMPLE. I look at this little house and I definitely SEE me :)

So, I've decided that I want a place like this one (picture on the left). Whether I move out alone again, or move in with someone (aka get married? WHAT! note: this doesn't specifically mean anything if you're asking yourself why I just mentioned this here :p)...wow, this just made me realize that there are some serious fragments I've left out during my periods of silence (sorry!).

Ok, going on......

I've been wandering around stores in the NYC and Bergen County areas, and I came up with a list of THE stores to buy furniture and home decor for when I do get my little place. This is if I live in the states again. In the DR, the options are more limited--and more expensive--but it's not impossible....I can live ANYWHERE. Nevertheless, shopping here for home stuff would be FAR more exciting *wink, wink*

The list goes something like this:

-IKEA (duh!!!) I think you all would've guessed that one! Affordable, chic furniture and convenient in all aspects imaginable!

-MARSHALLS Great for unique wall art and good prices on brand names in bed sheets and towels; also, you can find unique pieces of furniture, but they are scarce and are often scratched or broken =/

-TJ MAXX Same as Marshalls.

-TARGET You can also find cute things at great prices for home decor and things that you actually really NEED (like bathroom and kitchen stuff)

-URBAN OUTFITTERS Good for weird, unique, colorful stuff (furniture and decor)...a bit overpriced for MY taste tho'

-THE CONTAINER STORE I am an ORGANIZATION freak! So this store relieves my anxieties ;) A MUST for my sanity!

-Various FLEA MARKETS/ANTIQUE SHOPS To satisfy my desire of treasure hunting!

-ETSY.com Same as above ;)

Just as a little example, look at this gorgeous bookend I found at Marshalls the other day:

I'm SO in love!

I don't ask for much, right? ;)

NOTE: I guess, in the end, this post was not as short as I thought it would be...oopsie!

Fragment: HAIR

"I want to wear HATS and not have to worry about my curls getting all crappy =/ Will it be possible...ever?" -My FB status yesterday which I erased and preferred to blog about it ;)

This thought reminds me of my friend Vel's mom, Yoli, back in June 2008. We were at an after party (after having played a concert). I had done my hair that day (aka straightened it) and while dancing outside with Vel, I kept touching my hair, like trying to tame it, keeping down the possible coming frizz.

When she caught me doing this, Yoli came close to me and whispered in my ear, "stop worrying about your hair so much! It makes you look insecure and self-conscious, and will make people easily become aware of that which you want to hide. But if you let your hair lose, free to take its natural course, whether it is to be tamed or run wild, but you're OK with it, and show it by moving freely, not paying any mind to it, you will look BEAUTIFUL regardless!"

(Above left: Yoli and me)

Wow....she stopped my world right there and then. It was powerful what she'd said...

I opted for the wild, free and beautiful, and had a blast dancing without a care in the world. And guess what?! My hair got REALLY big!!!! But I was so carelessly-happy that I even felt (probably even looked) BEAUTIFUL ;)

(Left: Vel and I dancing as my hair got BIGGER and BIGGER)

Fragment: FRAGMENTS

Sometimes I forget how UNIQUE the fragments of my life are, and I underestimate them. Not taking into account how PARTICULARLY MINE all my fragments are.

Yesterday, for some reason, I began reading back on this blog...and back...and back....until I reached "My 1st!" or DAY ONE. What a journey it was...what a journey it has been!

I went through so many emotions as I relived some memories; becoming aware of things I've learned, and how at certain points, I had no idea of how things would turn out.

It'll be 3 years soon of sharing my fragments in this space, and I this thought came to my mind. Maybe I should do something special! *wink wink* It would basically be for myself, though; but if anyone is interested in a copy, I can make YOU one, too :p

I will make me a BOOK of my fragments. UUUYYY! A little short term goal for me, YEY! It'll be a little gift I will make for myself; a gift with SO much meaning. A book holding my thoughts, my feelings, my happenings from 2007 through 2010. UUUFFFF! Yeah, definitely a MUST-READ-FROM-TIME-TO-TIME for me!

It has been a pleasure writing about my fragments these past three years. For those who read me (whoever you are, thank you!). As of this crazy heart of mine, I am grateful to have found a place where I can go to and escape...THE NENY FRAGMENTS has become a little home; a refuge for my thoughts.

I am really looking forward to more years of writing! It will be so interesting to see the fragments that are added...and the fragments that will leave.

My story is UNIQUE. I am learning to appreciate and love my life, completely :)

"FIFA World Cup 2010"

I'm not a sports person at all. The only sport I could actually sit and watch is BOXING (or UFC). All the others have the ability to bore me pretty easily. But this last month, between Shakira's "WAKA WAKA" and the sound of the vuvuzela coming out of the TV as my parents watched FIFA games all day, I kind of grew fond of it; SOCCER, that is.

Before this World Cup, I could care less about soccer. As Frenchy-Aish wrote on her facebook status today, " 'Spain won'...for me, you might as well just say, 'look, the ant is walking'. I don't care :/".

But, today, as Spain scored that last and only GOL, three minutes before the end of the game, I actually screamed...yes, I was EXCITED!

It is a very intense game...so FULL of emotions!

Seeing those men (some very, very handsome boys, by the way :p) cry at the end of the games was a bit disturbing! UUUYYY! It actually made me admire them even more. I mean, they seem so strong; running around, chasing a ball for 90 minutes or so, bumping into each other and falling hardly on the ground. But they are actually so in touch with their emotional being!

And they all seem so close to each other. They reflect a beautiful sense of community that truly touched me. I actually got teary-eyed in a couple of games :'(

Today...the FIFA World Cup came to a glorious end...I feel like it will be missed by many.

As of me, I'll just be relieved to hear something more than just the WAKA WAKA song on mom's channel 41 ;)

NOTE: The fact that it took place in SOUTH AFRICA brought back some very nice memories...I HAVE GOT TO RETURN TO SOUTH AFRICA SOME DAY!

(Above: Me @South Africa, April 2004)

"The things you left behind..."

Yesterday, I felt so close to you. You were in every corner of the house. Your old school music was all packed up in hundreds of cassettes inside an orange Home Depot bag, sharing the room with your son. Your 400+ CD collection was standing in a box facing the Hudson River, witnessing a breathtaking sunset; Dad and I organized them in 2 cool Ikea towers. Your scent collection was fragancing each room of the apartment with mouthwatering flavors. Your fancy marble chess set was sitting on the window sill and is now adorning the new Ikea sofa table we put in the living room (looks so fine, by the way!). All the little knick knacks from your travels are finding their way into this home, but some haven't found a place just yet. I put them inside one of the blue storage boxes under the sofa table. Your picture frames of you and your son, your daughter, your family, me...they are so many...you had so many pictures hanging in your bedroom, in your living room. Now, they are all here; some are up, but most are just stacked one on top of the other hidden behind a bed, until we figure out where to put them.

All these THINGS are bringing YOUR life into your kids' apartment...YOU ARE SO HERE...you are part of your 'original' family, once again...and it's so...satisfying, in a way :)

Tell me why.....I see you in so many men walking around NYC...can't help missing seeing your face, and watching you have your dinner at granny's house, which you used to savor and enjoy so much (can't help hearing the sounds you used to make)! It was all SO much part of my NYC trips. It is truly obvious that you're not here.

I sent you an e-mail the other day...can you get e-mails in heaven? :S

....writing is a precious gift.

Missing you lots... :'(

PS: There was something about your hands that I can't seem to get out of my head. Well...I am a hands person...so, I guess yours were one of those pair of hands I really liked :)

Fragment: WALKABOUTS

Today...came a moment when I just needed to get away!---(I tend to get these often)

(Left: image from Keri Smith's book LIVING OUT LOUD)

Sometimes, there's too much going on. May be around me or inside of me. Situations...thoughts...options that require a decision...or perhaps a memory that suffocates me, and I just have to catch my breath! And UFFFFF! That's when I decide to jump out of it. At least for a little while, 'til I gather my thoughts and my whole self.

So, without giving it much thought (which is obviously what I can't handle in those moments: MORE THINKING!), when that moment came today, I hopped on a bus to the city.

There was no specific place in my mind for me to go. But when I got to the city, I got on the train and randomly stopped on 14th st. UNION SQUARE. Coming out of the train station, the wonders of this day began to unravel. URBAN OUTFITTERS was right on the corner of the train station--how convenient ;)

I went into the store (of course!) and delighted all my senses while browsing through the sales rack (the only section I can afford) *wink wink* Touching, seeing, hearing...taste and smell not so much, but it is such a wholesome experience for me that, yes, I do believe I even tasted and smelled things :p

After finding 3 little treasures, I felt better ALREADY!

Coming out of UO, I started making my way down 6th Avenue. I had no idea where I was headed. Yet, I knew exactly where I was going--WEIRD. I made a right at an odd corner (maybe by West 4th) and started getting lost in these little, colorful streets full of restaurants, stores and coffee shops. My senses were brimming! I was literally feeling LIFE running through my body, through my veins.

It was extremely HOT today! But, for some reason, it didn't bother me at all. Even my wet skin reminded me of how HERE I was today.

I stopped for lunch at an Indian little hole in the wall. Exotic flavors! Another sensorial experience, and thankfully, affordable (a NYC rare). Then, more walking.

Had BEBE on my BB as I walked (that woman speaks DIRECTLY to my soul), now with a MATCHA GREEN TEA BLAST from Jamba Juice in hand (I'm so hooked to these now, and also, thai iced teas!). Mmmmm...refreshing! Just what I needed. And...thoughts? They were there...but...not so much as overwhelming, heavy facts......more like poetic, little fragments depicting the wonderful days of Neny in this life :)

This is when I stumbled upon an oasis in the middle of this fast paced, noisy city. A total GEM! Here, I just laid on a bench and read for a while.

I was like getting a 'high' on life this afternoon! It was a marvelous idea to leave home and just come out!

Simply WALKABOUT ;)

*SIGH*

I was ready to go home.

I highly recommend WALKABOUTS. When things get foggy inside of you just go out for a loooong walk ;) You cannot imagine all the little treasures you might stumble upon. Little things will lift up your spirit; bring a smile to your face; make you understand something; inspire an idea, a thought, a feeling...and you might even find...CLARITY.

I sure did.

"4th of July!"

Someone said to me yesterday, "HAPPY 4th OF JULY!", as I waited for the show to start. This actually reminded me that......I AM AN AMERICAN :)

I wasn't all that excited about watching the fireworks last night. My parents and I had plans, but for some reason, my attitude was more on the side of "Uhuuu, fireworks" (in a sarcastic tone, that is). In past July 4th celebrations, I'd seen the fireworks from granny's apartment, from where they looked nice...but just that: Oh, nice.

But this time, when the first fireworks loudly popped and illuminated the skies with beautiful images and colors, I was STUPEFIED!

I caught my breath; my lips parted; my eyes were fixed...I was falling in love with that moment!

BONUS! I got to see the show from a building nearby (aka by the Hudson River *wink, wink*), which added to the unexpected excitement (totally!). Certainly looks amazing up close.

I thought of my design class while watching the show. I mean, there were happy faces, planets and 3-dimensional shapes popping up in the sky! "Who creates these things?! and HOW!", I thought.

It was awesome! I had a good time :)

Thanks family for showing me a wonderful night! And.....yes, wine and yummy Dominican food is always nice. Mmmmm!

NOTE: Design class? Yes...gotta catch up on that fragment! Oh, and......I'm in New York, by the way, for those who didn't know ;)

Fragment: SILENCE

"Things have happened the way they were supposed to happen...I MUST trust that." -my Facebook status for today

Sometimes, I go through these periods of silence...silence towards the world; silence towards all the fragments of my life (yes, including this blog).

The funny (or ironic) thing is that while I seem SO quiet, what's REALLY taking place is a lot of MOVEMENT! Fragments of my life start changing; moving from place to place; taking new twists and turns; acquiring different colors, shapes and meanings; reaching new levels, expanding......and it gets SO loud inside of me!

And when it gets this loud on the inside, I just NEED to be silent on the outside.

It seems like I can't write until the moving fragments fall into ONE place. Two months fly by, and it seems as if I just blinked my eyes. The fragments slow down to a comfortable pace and the clouds dissipate...the noise inside gives way to the silence from the outside...and my soul feels a sweet breeze...a delicate drizzle refreshing the insides of me.

GUESS WHAT?

...such moment has arrived :)

Welcome back, Neny!

(how many times have I had to say this to myself :P)