Fragment: ROUTINE

It's been almost 2 months since I got back from NYC, and of course, I stopped writing.

[BUMMER! What is it that gets into me?!]

Anyways, as a way to get back on track with my fragments, I want to start by sharing an excerpt of an e-mail. I wrote this to a friend about a week after getting back. My words reflect a sense of belonging which one is always craving for, searching for, working towards. That day, as I re-read my own words, I began to appreciate my life in DR a bit more. My job, my friends, my hanging out spots, my activities, my ROUTINE.

My days have been pretty light and happy since then.

"You've mentioned exactly what I've been feeling all day today....the sense of power, the familiar, the organizing, the sense of direction that routine gives.....the familiar events.....it's been all there today....and has made me realize that, yes, I've made myself a home here......and I can see the fruits of my labor. I mean, making a home is not just about buying furniture or owning/renting an apartment somewhere. Home is....the little French coffee shop where I sit at the same table every week; the fruit stand down the road where the guy knows how I like my bananas; the waitresses at the French restaurant who bring my glass of water and my espresso before I order it and treat me like I'm one of them (moving me from my table because they need that ONE jajaja); the staff at the theater asks no questions when I arrive as I belong there; my colleagues from the symphony smiled when they saw me at rehearsal and genuinely expressed how empty it felt to see my chair empty for 2 weeks; phone calls and confirmations for gigs because 'yes, Darleny's back'; the aisles at the supermarket, where I can shop with my eyes closed, as I always get the exact same items. I've made myself a little life of my own here......and it's MINE.....I worked for it.....and it has my name all over......it feels nice :)"

ROUTINE. For some reason, we despise it and we whine about it because--supposedly--we get bored. But when we don't have it, we lack a sense of direction and of belonging that we constantly crave for and need. Routine keeps us sane and in order. We need structure; even if it's in--apparently--more disparate ways for some (like me), but structure, indeed.

(note: image taken from idledoodle.blogspot.com)

"...to go with the flow..."

"Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one's being"

-Donald Curtis

Today, I just wanna flow.

Fragment: GOODBYE

I find myself saying "goodbye" occassionaly, and I think I secretly like it...

All this ending and re-starting provides new opportunities. To change, to learn, to grow, to re-think, re-group, re-route, re-arrange, re-place.

I just got home, or at least, somewhere in between.

I am happy; in peace. Ready for whatever will come my way this time around.

My two months in NYC were just what I wanted...just what I needed.

The spending time with my family was priceless! My meeting with friends from college was fun and insightful. All the time spent in solitude, my thoughts and me, were interesting...revealing.

Anyways, at this point somebody had to leave. There were too many toothbrushes in dad's and mom's sink!

Love you maders, father, sister, Guevs and lolos!

Oh! and I think I finally made up with NYC...I can say I (heart) NY, again ;)

"NYC + cozy coffee shops = BLISS"

One of my favorite things to do when visiting NYC is finding cool coffee shops. There are so many!

After walking for hours around this busy city, it's wonderful to find a cute, little place where one can just sit and marvel. Stop for a moment and really take in the day, the city; the thoughts and feelings that NYC provokes.

Looking out the window, I open my journal and liberate my thoughts. The smell of coffee in the air, the indistinct chattering of strangers, my random thoughts finally drawn onto paper. My taste buds jump up and down as the delicate, warm liquid caresses my palate. The familiar flavor brings back memories, ignites ideas and passion...suddenly, all things look prettier and possible. BLISS.

I've written about this before....about how much I LOVE moments like these!

...and to think that there are so many yet to find!

I love coffee shops :)

Fragment: FEET

As I organized photos on my computer, I curiously realized that I tend to take pictures of my feet, especially when I am ALONE somewhere.

I became intrigued, and immediately wondered: WHY IN THE WORLD DO I DO THIS?

Hmmmm...

Now that I became aware of my FEET photos, I find them everywhere! I began to search online and have come across SO many! It's so exciting to know that other people do it too ;)

But wait...Does this mean/say anything in particular?

Most of the people call this kind of photo a SELF PORTRAIT--interesting.

The irony of my feet-picture-taking is that I actually dislike my feet =/, so...why do I want to record them so often?????

Of course, this was my immediate thought after realizing how often I do it. Nevertheless, after reading photographer Karen Walrond's explanation, I understand that when I take pictures of my feet, what I really want to RECORD is the moment; a memory lived and understood by me...just by ME.

Here is Karen's insightful explanation (http://www.gadling.com/2009/04/30/through-the-gadling-lens-self-portraits/):

"And finally, the above shot of Susannah's feet: in this case, Susannah wasn't trying to capture her feet, per se, but the memories of what she was feeling and experiencing right at that very moment on that cold, rocky English beach. In this case, the photograph is a tool to record emotion, rather than to document scenery."

WOW! It explains to PERFECTION the reason why I take self portraits of my feet--to record emotions of a specific moment/place in time *SIGH* Love it!

I am hooked to finding more feet pictures now!!!! Do YOU take this kind of self portrait too? If you do, please, DO SHARE ;)

Here are my findings:

From my friends' pictures on Facebook

1. Frenchy Aish girl's feet @ France 2. Paopao's and her friend's feet @Bariloche 3. Sol's and her friend's feet @DR 4. Jirehsita's and her friend's feet @Boston

From complete strangers around the world

Notes: Just in case people from the "strangers from all over the world" section come across their pair, here are the sources.

1. David Avery's feet after bike race (ice on shoes) from his blog

2. Stephanie Levy's get together with other bloggers in England

3. S and J's feet in lake from Susanna's Sketchbook blog

4. Rosemud's blog http://rosemud.blogspot.com

5. Rosemud's blog http://rosemud.blogspot.com

6. "Fishnet Feet" from Lauratitian flickr photos

7. Kyle Silverman's feet in climbing aiders from Oregonlive blog

8. Dgypsy flickr photos

9. Christian girls rebuilding in New Orleans from Elca blog

10. Baby Gideon from Baby Gideon's blog

11. Ian's feet at beach from Netspeed blog

12. Mama Vee's feet before surgery from Avital blog

13. Megan's feet at Charles de Gaulle Airport from Not Martha blog

14. Rosemud's blog http://rosemud.blogspot.com

My own :)

1. Me @Astor Place, NYC 2. Me @train station, NYC 3. Me@Lemay's wedding, DR 4. Me @Productos Bautista photoshoot, DR 5. Me @airplane on my way to NYC 6. Me @My Way Coffee shop, NYC

Fragment: CLARINET

Today...I feel love for him.

I feel like looking for images that will inspire more positive thoughts of him.

You see, we have this LOVE-HATE relationship. He has shown me the best AND the worst feelings, situations, and emotions of the whole of me.

He has taken me places; has introduced me to some of the greatest people in my life; he has given me the unconventional lifestyle I'd always desired; has brought me love.

He incites goose-pumps when emotions take over me; makes me lose track of time; he speaks of me like nothing else in my life ever does; he's with me all the time, anytime...always.

But...he has also shown me tears, frustration, pain, maddening moments and quite a few embarrassing situations.

Nevertheless--as my friends usually point out--as much as I whine and complain, I MUST acknowledge that if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be ME today. He is the biggest part of me...and there's much love for him in my heart. I've often felt lost, not sure of where to go or what to do with him. But I don't seem to be able to let go off him!

MY CLARINET :) he reminds me of ME...in all it's complexity...soothing sounds can be made. Tough and soft, moody and gentle; all at the same time. Me.