Fragment: PEANUT BUTTER

"I am such a nut lover!!!!" Some 'pervs' start cracking jokes when I pronounce these words. But while these people are stupidly laughing, my body is feeling appreciative of the foods that I eat ;)

I love the taste, the variety, the crunchiness of nuts...they're the perfect snack, anytime! I usually carry a bag filled with cashews or almonds in my purse for my sudden hunger attacks. And...to top my love for them off, I've read (here and there) of their great health benefits!

One of my absolute favorite items of all times has to be PEANUT BUTTER! I spread it on freshly cut apples, on toasts with sliced bananas on top and with jelly in a sandwich. It's such a feel good food! I love it! HMMMMM!

Well, the other day my sister gave me a not so cool information. She had read/heard that peanut butter is not all that healthy, as it contains saturated fat!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! What a downer; I felt so sad! I mean, I try to eat healthy, so if peanut butter fell into the 'unhealthy' category, that meant I 'd have to give it up :( (?!)

So, this morning, as I made my peanut-butter-spread-toast-with-sliced-bananas-on-top for breakfast, I decided to do my own search on the health benefits of my so loved butter.

To my extreme happiness and satisfaction, I have found GREAT news!!! YEY!!! Taken from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Heart_Letter/2009/July/Ask-the-doctor-Why-is-peanut-butter-healthy-if-it-has-saturated-fat, please read the following explanation:

Why is peanut butter "healthy" if it has saturated fat?

Q. I keep reading that peanut butter is a healthy food. But it contains saturated fat and has more sodium than potassium. That doesn't sound healthy to me.

A. The presence of saturated fat doesn't automatically kick a food into the "unhealthy" camp. Olive oil, wheat germ, and even tofu — all "healthy" foods — have some saturated fat. It's the whole package of nutrients, not just one or two, that determines how good a particular food is for health.

Let's take a look at the peanut butter package. One serving (about 2 tablespoons) has 3.3 grams of saturated fat and 12.3 grams of unsaturated fat, or about 80% unsaturated fat. That puts it up there with olive oil in terms of the ratio of unsaturated to saturated fat. Peanut butter also gives you some fiber, some vitamins and minerals (including 200 milligrams of potassium), and other nutrients. Unsalted peanut butter, with 5 milligrams of sodium, has a terrific potassium-to-sodium ratio. Salted peanut butter still has about twice as much potassium as sodium. That profile compares quite favorably with bologna, roast beef, and many other sandwich fixings.

Over the years, numerous studies have shown that people who regularly include nuts or peanut butter in their diets are less likely to develop heart disease or type 2 diabetes than those who rarely eat nuts. Although it is possible that nut eaters are somehow different from, and healthier than, non-nutters, it is more likely that nuts themselves have a lot to do with these benefits.
Saturated fat isn't the deadly toxin it is sometimes made out to be. The body's response to saturated fat in food is to increase the amounts of both harmful LDL and protective HDL in circulation. In moderation, some saturated fat is okay. Eating a lot of it, though, promotes artery-clogging atherosclerosis, the process that underlies most cardiovascular disease. In contrast, unsaturated fats, which make up the majority of the fat content in peanut butter, help reduce LDL cholesterol and lower the risk of heart disease.

I try to eat as healthful a diet as I can. It includes all kinds of nuts, as well as peanut and other nut butters.

— Walter C. Willett, M.D.
Professor of Nutrition
Harvard School of Public

"I like peanut butter, creamy peanut butter, chunky peanut butter too! Peanut butter pizza, peanut butter tacos, peanut butter egg foo young!" -The Olsen twins song

Guevs and I used to love this song when we were little!!!!

"I see you..."

"I see you"...

...nothing in the world compares to being "seen"...

"my FRAGMENTED heart"

As the wind blows

My heart knows
As the wind blows through the trees
My heart is stirring like the leaves

Even as the rain falls from the sky
Clouds fill my eyes and I wonder why
Wonder in a sense of amazement and awe
At how life begins

It never seems to ever cease
In its educating reminding awakening us
From the things that we think that we know

As the wind blows

My heart knows
As the wind blows through the trees
My heart is stirring like the leaves

Even as fires flames burning bright
I feel my soul is my guiding light
I wonder in a sense of amusement and awe

At how life evolves

It never seems to ever cease
In its elevating redefining awakening us
From the things that we think that we know

I thought I knew I thought I knew

As the wind blows

My heart knows
As the wind blows through the trees
My heart is stirring like the leaves

-WIND lyrics by Solstice

Fragment: FAITH

Today, I sing these words by faith: "YOU ARE THE ROCK THAT I LEAN ON". Where else would my faith make sense? What/who else in this world is strong enough, steady enough, faithful enough to trust my life with, but You?


Today, I feel that I've come to my senses. Thankfully, your mercy is renewed each morning. You've guarded my life and my heart despite my unwise decisions. I am grateful for the undeserved love You show me each day.


Help me to also be faithful to You.

"KALMING notes..."

I lived a truly magical experience today :) These are the little things that have been happening in DR that have kept me happy, satisfied, and wanting to stay for longer!

A couple of days ago, before starting yoga class, the director of the centre introduced us to a new student. Everytime she introduces me, she HAS to mention the fact that I'm a musician and that I play with the symphony. She sounds so proud that it makes me blush all the time! Reminds me of my dad ;) Anyways, that day in particular, she probably noticed herself how excited she sounded introducing me, and went on to say: "Hey! I have an idea; bring your clarinet one day and play for us. Let's make it something special; we'll decorate and invite students from the other classes. Mother's day is approaching! Maybe we can offer a little concert as a gift to the mothers at the centre!" She went on and on with ideas, and got ME all excited! "LET'S DO IT!", I said.

Before I knew it, the day of the mini concert came (today!) and I hadn't even decided what I'd play. About an hour before the time I had to be at the centre, I picked out a couple of excerpts from clarinet concert and solo pieces, mixed them all together, wrote down a list of order, and got dressed to go! The whole vibe I'd pictured was a hippie, chilled environment, and that's exactly how I dressed. I got to use these funky pants I bought in Spain, topped with my abosulte favorite: a wifebeater ;)

When I arrived at the centre, they were so excited to receive me. My yoga instructor approached me and told me to close my eyes for the surprise. With my eyes closed, he took my hand and led me to the outside terrace where we take our classes. When I opened my eyes, I saw exactly what I wanted to have seen! It was MAGICAL! He did a great job setting up a mini stage with the right kind of mood for what we wanted to share this night.

(right: I got pretty flowers! awww)

I talked to the audience, introducing each piece of music, some experiences, and just had lots of fun playing for them. The terrace was only lid with candles. I told the audience to sit back and relax listening to an instrument not too common to just sit and listen to around here. "Enjoy the KALMING notes that I will be playing for you tonight", I said. I sat down and played for about 45 minutes.

When I finished playing, they applauded with so much excitement. I could see the eyes lid with emotion and appreciation. It is truly FULFILLING to touch people in this way...

(right: me and my yoga instructor on his fab stage set up!)

I then offered them an extra little gift dedicated to all mothers, and sang a beautiful song I'd learned at CRESCENDO (my other job). Here's the song: "Señora, Señora". I was a little suffocated from having just played (it was so hot!), so I sound a little shaky and out of tune, jeje but the words are beautiful! Sorry for the non-spanish speakers :-/

"My new favorite lantern"

My little brother sent me a small treasure this morning...an e-mail that read:

"Isn't this just the best video in the world? And your in it! You lucky girl you."

...and this video:



This is me dancing with my late "tio" at a Thanksgiving party in New York, 2004. I remember this day perfectly and how I felt dancing with him. He was such a great DANCER! Just look at that turn!! Seems like we rehearsed it or something ;)

And you know what I just noticed while watching the clip? The merengue that we are dancing to is Juan Luis Guerra's "FAROLITO", which translates to "Little Lantern". You guys have read about my fascination with lanterns, especially little ones. Well, I've received today the most precious little lantern of all.

I miss you Tio...now I have a little lantern that holds an eternal image of me and you :)

Thanks, Guevs!

"Letters to my younger self"

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep right away, as I normally do...so I opened my night stand's drawer to see if I could find something interesting...and I did :)

I found a folder filled with articles, print outs, hand written notes, quotes, personality test results, etc etc etc...and I smiled...this folder represents the soul searching process that I was living 2 years ago until not too long. I browsed through it all and read some interesting things. One of them, though, stood out. On a restaurant post card, I'd written: "WHAT I KNOW NOW...(letters to my younger self)".

I wrote this quote while wandering around the streets of Boston last year. Waiting for my brother to pick me up, I went into a bookstore and found so many books that I wanted to buy! I love bookstores ;) I decided to get a book on HOW TO MAKE BOOKS - jaja - beautifully crafted and sort of pricey, so I could just get this one book. But as I walked out of the store, I bumped into a book that read the words that grabbed my heart. I wanted to buy the book, but I could spend no more. So, I wrote the captivating words on a postcard I had in hand.

http://www.letterstomyyoungerself.com/books/if-id-known-then.html

"If you could send a letter back in time to your younger self, what would it say? Following in the tradition of the bestselling compendium What I Know Now™ comes a new collection that will speak directly to young women. Editor Ellyn Spragins asked women under forty to write letters to the girls they once were, filled with the advice and wisdom they wish they’d possessed when they were younger."

Coincidentaly today, my little brother sent me a text message saying: "Look for the song LETTER TO ME by Brad Paisley...it's country music, but give it a chance, it's a really good song. Pay attention to the lyrics, especially the PS part, which I wish I had the chance to tell myself". The title of the song grabbed my heart as the title of that book in Boston did. I searched for the song on youtube.com and found this video:


Wow...what a song! And it has exactly all to do with the book! And I started wondering...What would I tell MY younger self this day? I am 25 years old today, and I think I would love to talk to my 14 year old self...there's so much she needed to know. But hey, that is LIFE; a process of growing up, learning through experience and self discovery. As much as I would've liked to know more in order for things to have turned out differently today, that would not make much sense, or would it? We wouldn't be living...no free will...just predesigned, soul-less robots.

I should just love and make peace with my younger self...and be happy for who I am TODAY, what I've BECOME, and what I know NOW.

Fragment: TRADITION

I couldn't sleep last night, and that is a very rare thing...my heart felt unsettled and I know exactly the reason why. Tradition has it that when a person passes, friends and family visit the late person's immediate family for 9 days to keep them company during such tough days. On the 9th day, people come again from all over the place to visit the family and it represents a very BIG event. The family orders food for everyone, and even rent chairs to sit people; it is a social gathering...people saluting, talking and laughing even, until the time comes for the last cries. Some time in the afternoon, a mass is offered at the town's church where the priest mentions the late person's name in the prayers for one last time (my dad told me people actually pay for this!) and the family and friends cry all over again :(

Now, my unsettling feeling came about because I had to make a DECISION; do I HAVE to go support my mom, although I think this event doesn't make any sense?? Personally, I see this 9th day event as mere TORTURE. It has taken me a week to reassure my emotions after such painful days, to get back to my normal activities, and conform with life's reality of DEATH. To go back to all this would reawaken everything! I call that TORTURE! Tio is gone, and that is the END of it. :S

I asked my dad for advice last night before he headed off to the airport: "help me dad! Should I go or not? I really don't want to, but I think of mom..." and he said, "I don't see the sense of it either, but it's the TRADITION and you are part of this society and this culture...your mom will not understand if you do otherwise...but you do what you want...look at ME, I bought my ticket to leave today ;)" And he went on to explain the TRADITION as I have described it in the paragraphs above.

My sister also challenged me by saying, "It's TRADITION, sister; as you heard so much about it in the Fiddler on the Roof...it's your decision if you want to break it or follow it"

And I've decided to break it...the unsettling feeling this morning has stopped...I've decided not to go to the 9th day event. I will stay home LIVING my life, not elsewhere celebrating DEATH.

NOTE: The song TRADITION of "The Fiddle on the Roof". This scene is amazing, so much truth in it....TRADITION!!!!!!!!!!

"The show must go on..."

Today, I am so aware of how everything goes INEVITABLY back to 'normal'. Two nights ago, I was crying besides my uncle's coffin; last nite, I was at a dinner celebrating a friend's birthday. So ironic...so strange...but that's life.

On this day, I notice how my stomach has stopped hurting; I breathe the fresh air and I feel happy; to-do lists have popped in my head after a week of not wanting to do ANYTHING; I hung out with my niece and nephew; I hung out with a friend; I went to a meeting at church, where we talked about future plans and goals for the music ministry; I went to a symphony concert as an expectator for the first time in two years, and enjoyed it inmensely...and as this day made me feel so ALIVE, I wonder..."how does this happen? the closure of something so terrible giving way to the continuation of 'normal' life activities? life can not be normal if I will never see him again, or can it? "...and as questions and more questions bounce around in my head, one thing becomes certain: the fact of the matter is that, THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

Some are born, some depart, some celebrate their birthdays, others are "born-again" (so happy for you Tia M.)...it's all part of the cycle...it is all, LIFE...and as people come and go, life keeps happening...the show is taking place...no matter what happens, or how an event devastates you...at some point, the curtains go up again, and THE SHOW WILL GO ON.

Fragment: DADDY

I have an oh, so thoughtful dad! He stole my heart the other day, when I sat down in my computer, tired from a work trip and found a beautiful e-mail...

(Right: Pushy, me and daddy)

It read something like this:

"Neny: I saw this video, and paid closed attention to the words and the images...and I don't know why, but it reminded me a lot of your situation with Pushy. It was like hearing Pushy or you singing this song to each other. The song is a bit sad, but it's more like a firm promise of love of a couple separated by DISTANCE. For me, this song expresses words of hope in the midst of life's difficulties, without taking away the real pain that the separation by distance can cause. (I hope you like it and that it doesn't sadden you). After you hear it, if you'd like, send it to Pushy.

I love you.

Daddy"

Oh----My----God! Isn't he amazing! I quickly opened the file holding the video, and found a very touching, beautiful song by Luis Fonsi called "LLUEVE POR DENTRO" (It's raining inside).

Watch the video here:



It is definitely OUR song for this season in our relationship...I can't wait for the moment when our hearts stop 'raining inside'...very soon, HOPEFULLY.

Daddy!! Thank you for this wonderful gift! You have definitely spoken my LANGUAGE OF LOVE with this ;)

(uuuu, gotta write about the languages of love sometime soon, it's one of my favorite things to talk about!)


P.S.: In response to my sister's comment on the LANTERNS fragment, she's so right! Here is my FIRST lantern ever, given to me as a Christmas gift lots of years ago, by her ;) Here's the photo of it...it is kind of rusty :)

"Finally..."

FINALLY.

What a journey we've had! I might even consider the name JOURNEY if we have a daughter. I met a girl once whose name was Journey, and I was so bewildered that someone had such a name! So unique; it must've held an awesome story behind it.......so I like this idea ;)

Anyways, this Fergie song "Finally" came up in the radio while I was driving to work a couple of months ago, and it's -once again- one of those things, one of those moments where connection instantly happens. As I heard her sing, my heart started to skip beats in disbelief. How could someone have read my heart and my thoughts, and written my story? The story of Pushy and me was coming out of the radio speakers that day.

FINALLY.

The story of my dream coming true, so unexpectedly, one spring day; the bumpy ride that follows when the realities of life come crashing in, and all the baggage of selfishness, insecurities, complexes and uncertainties kick in; and after the growing-up pains give way to the wonderful results of experience and maturity, we are free to appreciate what we have, who we are and the beautiful person that is still next to you, because love is pure...and it waits...

"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails." 1 Cor 13

I waited for you long, Pushy...and, when we were FINALLY together, you waited for me so patiently. Now that my super dark period has passed, we are free to LOVE each other, "FINALLY".

I can't wait to live my life with you. I can not conceive living any circumstance without you. Te amo.